HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hey, if I have a new years resolution for this new year it's ....... I don't know! Not saying I'm perfect but this year hasn't been too bad in all; and the things that haven't been all that good there's not a lot that a new year resolution is going to be able to fix....... (I make a new years resolution not to have cancer!!! erm no that's not going to cut it is it!) oh well just have to keep on keeping on then!

This year has been good in a lot of ways and I guess that some of the bad stuff is stuff that's overrun from previous years, so they don't count!

Oh yes- probably the worst thing to happen in 2006 was that one of my best friends fell out with me and I haven't heard hide nor hair of her since, I still don't understand why it happened to be honest, but sadly she chose to say something almost unforgivable to me (I can certainly forgive her for it but we won't be able to ever get over it, well not at the moment anyway) I care about her and her family very much though, always will and wish it (whatever it was) had never happened.

One of the best things that happened involved the decision by the government in this country to provide Herceptin to all the eligible breast cancer patients that need it in the UK, I'd been campaigning about that for the previous 11 months or so ever since I found out I needed it in 2005. There were lots of us involved in the campaigning and it was a good feeling when it happened sooner than we could have hoped for. America and other countries had had it available for some time for early stage breast cancer, but as per usual our government dragged their heels and many women had the additional worry of trying to get funding to start the treatment while they made up their minds.

Another great thing that happened was my friend Tina phoning to ask me if I wanted to be involved in the 'Breakthrough breast cancer' charities '60k weekend walk to breakthrough breast cancer'. Thus began a few months of fundraising that enabled me to realise that I had some great friends (at the time!) and family and that there was a lot of other campaigning work I could & should be doing. (oh and we raised the best part of £5,000 too!!) The actual walk weekend was amazing too but I won't go into that all again here because it's all documented on my main site www.janines-fight.org.uk

The other highlight was going to Parliament with Breakthrough but that too is all on my site and a bit here too actually.

I really have made some great friends too this year, both off-line and on. Enjoyed the media opportunities and had a great time with the Chili Peppers (in my dreams!!) but the concerts were brilliant!

Here's to us all, and oh I've just thought of the perfect resolution... to update my blog more often............

Love as always
Jen xxxxx

Here we are then

Maybe now's not the best time for me to be posting this a. because it's nearly 1 o'clock in the morning as I start typing and b. because I'm feeling a little bit weepy at the moment. But hey that's me, life on the edge ;-/, so what the heck.

Had a surprisingly good Christmas actually. Surprising because really it's only now that I'm having a few tears about my dear Mum not being here with us; the previous 3 years it's happened much sooner in the celebrations, this is not making me feel good though, this is making me feel even more wretched. What am I forgetting about her or something? (No never) Think it's because I've managed to have my first Christmas this year that wasn't the same as usual therefore didn't hurt quite so much, we didn't spend it the same way we would have when she was alive (while desperately trying to pretend to all and sundry that everything's ok) Unfortunately couldn't get up to see Nanna and the Suffolk family this year as I'm still recovering from the operation- and trying not to overdo it too much.

So instead spent my first Christmas day for about 25 years with my Dad! and with my 'sort of' step mum, and Sam and I met my 'sort of' step sister shelly for the first time, goodness knows why we haven't met before! she is lovely! She's the same age as me (although looks about 100 years younger) and is a single parent with a son the same age as Sam! No chance we'll get along at all then!

Today has been another rest day as Sam's been off at his Dad's and I guess I've just had too much time for reflection, hence the dampness surrounding my eyes at the moment. Christmas is like that isn't it, it brings out all the regrets and shoves them up close and personal for you to scrutinise (or is that just me? answers on a postcard please) Also it makes me feel more lonely than ever- no one's ever going to be interested in me again... no boobs..... MS...... cancer.... good catch ain't I.

One thing that has touched me today though is the news that one of my very bestist online buddies, who I 'met' a few months ago through the breast cancer Internet support group I belong to, has been brave enough to go out for the day without a wig on. This may not seem like such a big deal to those of you who haven't had the experience of losing your hair through Chemotherapy, but believe me it's an important milestone in the whole cancer experience. It's the start of the real recovery, of accepting that you may be getting better; that it just might be possible. She won't accept that this was a brave thing to do, but I for one am very proud of her. (She probably did it so I'd stop calling her 'Slap head' but love, no chance- you know me better than that!)

I am so grateful to the Internet for enabling me to get to know so many other women with breast cancer, they support and encourage me, and hopefully, sometimes, I'm able to return the favour.

Maybe I need to sleep, that'll do it- I'll curl up under the duvet until my legs stop spasming and dream that all's 'different' then maybe in the morning I'll wake up and think about the things I have still got and not about the stuff I've lost lately......... at least my hairs looking good ;-)

love
Jen x

Operation aftermath.....

Remind me, dear friends, never to have that done again :-/

love from a very sore
Jen x

Operation eve.....

Got my operation tomorrow, everything is ready (well apart from me which will have to wait till tomorrow) my friend has been round to help me by doing my cleaning, so I don't have to be too ashamed of my place while my Dad is staying, Sam has the day off school because he's a bit nervous and my Dad is bringing loads of food prepared for us by his girlfriend (wow that was difficult trying to describe who she is!! I'll have to think about that one some more)

There's only one problem..... namely that 'chemo' brain me didn't realise that I was supposed to ring up the day surgery unit to confirm my appointment.......BIG WHOOPS! So now I'm left wondering if it's actually going to go ahead again! TYPICAL!

In other news my Chili Pepper infatuation continues unabated, but it's not something I'm worried about too much ;-)

Love
Jen x

Hello again...... why so soon I hear you ask?

I just realised that my last message may have seemed a bit anti Red Hot Chili Peppers! Which wasn't my intention at all and couldn't have been further from the truth...... mortified.

Just thought I'd try and rectify that in case there are any other fans reading my blog and just so that everyone knows..... I LOVE THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS, (also just in case anyone needs any ideas on what to get me for Christmas!)

Is that clear? OK good.....

love

Jen x :-)

Here I am.....

Well it's world Aids day so thought I'd put a new symbol on my site, was thinking about making a joke about how it's nice to write about something that I don't suffer with for a change, but figure that would be in very very bad taste so have decided against it......

Since I last updated I've been busy do nothing really, well went to the Chili Peppers concert and had a brilliant time but that's about it, the rest has been working on my sleeping and the campaign (a little bit) and eating 'party rings' to be honest. I can still sleep for England and seem to become exhausted very easily at the moment, despite the transfusion, but at least I'm not having as many spasms in my legs.

The Chili Peppers gig was FANTASTIC! It was lovely seeing them up so close but sadly I didn't get to meet them, didn't even bother taking my 'falsie' with me for them to sign. Usually when the Willow foundation are arranging something like this they manage to at least secure a meeting with the band or famous person in question, but the Chili Peppers wouldn't play ball :-(
I guess they must have similar requests all the time, but to be honest it did upset me a little bit to see some people have access to them on the night but not me, one of their biggest fans. End of rant.

Thanks still have to be said to the Willow foundation though, they really pulled out all the stops. We were driven to and from the show in a 34ft white limo, had champagne and were given some spending money, plus I had my wonderful Son and my very dear friend with me, it was still a magical evening.

Me and Tina in the limo on our way to the gig

Now I'm just hoping that I'll be starting to feel a bit better soon so that I can really get stuck into my campaign properly, it's getting a bit frustrating now! (If you don't know what I'm talking about have a look at my website and all will become clear: link on the right)

Love and all good things (and leave me some messages please!)
Jen x