OH dear I hear you shouting at the screen ''how can a person who's had cancer smoke!" Well the same as anybody else is the answer... you just put the disgusting stick up to your mouth and take a drag...
The only reason that now I'm able to confess the atrocity of my smoking 'secret' is because I am, at last, ready to give up. The emphasis there should be on the 'I';- lots of my family and friends have been ready for me to give up smoking for an awfully long time- but as anybody who has ever smoked knows, that doesn't actually make any difference and it won't be until the person concerned is ready that the said person can even begin to imagine being successful and managing to stop completely.
So that's the stage I'm at now and have been for a few weeks actually. I've cut down dramatically on the amount I smoke and have decided now that enough is enough and I just do not want to do it anymore. I must confess to having been to my doctor for help and been given a new drug to help me. But I will still need an amount of willpower too and am really really hopeful that I can actually stop now.
I'm really looking forward to being a non smoker.... not having the guilt of making my boy a passive smoker being the main reason, but also because it'll be nice not to be embarrassed about it anymore and not having my clothes smell or my flat... and having some extra dosh... yay!!!
I'm not telling when the actual stop day is, but just to say that it is imminently imminent ha ha.... and I'm very happy about it.
When I think about it I've actually been a smoker my whole life as Mum and Dad smoked when I was growing up; so I wonder what it'll be like to live in a smoke free environment, as I've never had that pleasure.
love
Jen x
Monday, May 28, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
An explanation....
Ha ha ha ha!!! Have you ever written something that makes perfect sense to you, then realised that it won't to any other sane being in the known universe.... well I have! The last post was my (rather artistic I thought) impression of my life at the moment; sometimes I'm 'up' and sometimes I'm 'down'...
Right so now I've cleared that up!!!!!!
Oh and by the way you should all read the comments, my friend Steph (the lady I was talking about recently but wouldn't mention) has left one.... (a comment that is, not a bad smell... well not as far as I know) ;-)
Jen x
(who's having an 'up' day in case you hadn't noticed!)
Right so now I've cleared that up!!!!!!
Oh and by the way you should all read the comments, my friend Steph (the lady I was talking about recently but wouldn't mention) has left one.... (a comment that is, not a bad smell... well not as far as I know) ;-)
Jen x
(who's having an 'up' day in case you hadn't noticed!)
Friday, May 11, 2007
Up down..... up..........
Up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... down... up... up... up... up... up... up... up... up... down... up... down... up... up... up... up... up... up... up... up... up... up... up... up... up..................................
Jen x
Jen x
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Hello you lot...
Just thought I'd better post something... can't sleep you see and was just replying to a comment so thought I may as well. You dear bloggy friends are flattered now aren't ya...
So what have I been up to these last couple of weeks? well, I went to my friends beautiful bonsai centre and met up with a load of other friends who have been touched by breast cancer too. That was fabulous and we all had a fantastic time together. Then I got home and had a serious bump back down to earth session to hear of another dear friend who has been 'touched' by breast cancer a little too much for my liking. I won't go into too many details, because I haven't got her permission, but just to say that this one was a little too 'close to home' for me to handle very well and I was very upset at the news. It made me seriously question if it is healthy for me to continue with this blog or to continue with my Herceptin forum on the BCPals site (the site I belong to that is strictly for other breast cancer survivors)
It seriously messed with my head because I finally feel that I might be able to move on with my life in general now, especially having just met Paul, and that I'm moving in the right direction. Then to be reminded of what could happen... well it just wasn't what I needed to be honest. Then the friend in question posted a really positive message on the forum and it was just the kick up the backside I needed, she humbled me and I can only hope that if the same thing ever happens to me that I handle it in the same dignified way she has.... Anyway will stop talking about that now as I can't really put what I want to anyway and I bet it's not making much sense!
Another thing that helped me is a few days later getting a call from 'Breakthrough breast cancer' asking me to go to a meeting on their behalf about the Cancer Reform Strategy with among others the Governments Cancer Tsar. These things help me feel like I'm making a difference, and like I've said many times before, help me to make sense of all the rubbish I've had to put up with over the last few years. So I am very happy to have been asked and hope I can make a difference. Basically the strategy is about making the best of available recources for cancer services; so they want lots of charity and patient involvement. I'm hoping to get a chance to mention about making sure BC patients are treated in seperate wards when having surgery, and/or treatment, and having easy access to their specialists. So lets see what happens next week.
Anyway enough of my ramblings for tonight, I really must try to get some sleep- I have a busy few days ahead with visitors and car servicing and hair appointment and dentist appointments, oh and next week I start on my new MS injections too.... ooooo I'm having a flashback now, haven't I said that before?
love
Jen x
So what have I been up to these last couple of weeks? well, I went to my friends beautiful bonsai centre and met up with a load of other friends who have been touched by breast cancer too. That was fabulous and we all had a fantastic time together. Then I got home and had a serious bump back down to earth session to hear of another dear friend who has been 'touched' by breast cancer a little too much for my liking. I won't go into too many details, because I haven't got her permission, but just to say that this one was a little too 'close to home' for me to handle very well and I was very upset at the news. It made me seriously question if it is healthy for me to continue with this blog or to continue with my Herceptin forum on the BCPals site (the site I belong to that is strictly for other breast cancer survivors)
It seriously messed with my head because I finally feel that I might be able to move on with my life in general now, especially having just met Paul, and that I'm moving in the right direction. Then to be reminded of what could happen... well it just wasn't what I needed to be honest. Then the friend in question posted a really positive message on the forum and it was just the kick up the backside I needed, she humbled me and I can only hope that if the same thing ever happens to me that I handle it in the same dignified way she has.... Anyway will stop talking about that now as I can't really put what I want to anyway and I bet it's not making much sense!
Another thing that helped me is a few days later getting a call from 'Breakthrough breast cancer' asking me to go to a meeting on their behalf about the Cancer Reform Strategy with among others the Governments Cancer Tsar. These things help me feel like I'm making a difference, and like I've said many times before, help me to make sense of all the rubbish I've had to put up with over the last few years. So I am very happy to have been asked and hope I can make a difference. Basically the strategy is about making the best of available recources for cancer services; so they want lots of charity and patient involvement. I'm hoping to get a chance to mention about making sure BC patients are treated in seperate wards when having surgery, and/or treatment, and having easy access to their specialists. So lets see what happens next week.
Anyway enough of my ramblings for tonight, I really must try to get some sleep- I have a busy few days ahead with visitors and car servicing and hair appointment and dentist appointments, oh and next week I start on my new MS injections too.... ooooo I'm having a flashback now, haven't I said that before?
love
Jen x
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Wow what a brilliant weekend I've just been blessed with...
This weekend has been extra special thanks to someone I've never even met before..... but even before I met her she was one of my best friends.
We live hundreds of miles apart and have never even seen each others handwriting for instance, and I don't think we've even exchanged addresses. Oh and forgot to mention the first time I so much as typed to her was only last new years eve!!!
My friend Mags has been here this weekend from Scotland- what a total whirlwind! But what a welcome one. All I can say is it's a good job I like laughing and that I don't mind having sore stomach muscles from doing so sooooo much of said laughing.... wish you hadn't had to go home today Mags...
tomorrow would have been fine... but today was too soon.
Jen x
We live hundreds of miles apart and have never even seen each others handwriting for instance, and I don't think we've even exchanged addresses. Oh and forgot to mention the first time I so much as typed to her was only last new years eve!!!
My friend Mags has been here this weekend from Scotland- what a total whirlwind! But what a welcome one. All I can say is it's a good job I like laughing and that I don't mind having sore stomach muscles from doing so sooooo much of said laughing.... wish you hadn't had to go home today Mags...
tomorrow would have been fine... but today was too soon.
Jen x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
